Before we started this whole IVF journey, I had always wanted twins. I think it was the mystique of having two babies at the same time, dressing them alike, always having a playmate and having two beautiful babies to love. I watched all the tv shows about multiples, Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Quints by Surprise. I secretly envied those women. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would end up having to do IVF. But apparently God had other plans.
As soon as Phillip and I started discussing starting IVF, though I was very reluctant at first, I told myself this was my chance to have the twins I had always wanted. I was more than ecstatic when we implanted my two little embryos. I knew that they were fighters, that they would make it. But with the excitement of finding out that I was pregnant, came telling our close family and friends. Indeed we were having twins, at the present moment, we are. But lingering inside me, questions, did both actually make it?
Now I know to never question God. I get countless people telling me that, "wouldn't you be happy with just one?" I understand where they're coming from. I try not to take it as personal insult to my babies, but the fact of the matter is, I am pregnant with twins until otherwise told. In the IVF world of acronyms, we use PUPO, meaning "pregnant until otherwise proven". It means we're pregnant until our beta, or bloodwork, tell us otherwise. We get to spend two weeks of pregnancy bliss, believing that IVF worked. For me, it did, for others, well they get to at least say they were pregnant for two weeks. It makes going through the torture of shots and medicines all worth it, even if you don't end up with a baby.
But for those of us who do get pregnant, most of us are indeed pregnant with twins. It's become the norm among today's IVF doctors. Gone are the days of octo-moms and sextuplets. Now, we're only faced with the chances of two or in a few cases, three. I was faced with having to make the decision to implant three. It was a difficult one, but I know I made the right choice for me, my babies and my family. But it meant I must rely on God to either grow the two we left behind in the hopes of growing to snowbabies or growing the two inside me. Two. Not one. It infuriates me when I hear people tell me I should be happy with just one. I had to mourn the loss of my two possible babies when they didn't make it. I don't want to have to mourn the loss of another one. Now God being the awesome God he is, will give us exactly what we need. One baby or two. But until our sonogram on July 23, I'm believing, I'm praying, and I'm faithful that God has grown both of these babies.
The weekend before we did our embryo transfer, Phillip, my mother in law and myself attended a monthly service at my church that was "extra" spiritual. It was a time for praise and worship were I could really call out to the Lord. It's a service of miracles and testimonies shared among the church. We heard the testimony of a couple who had been trying to conceive for four years and miraculously got pregant. Even though Phillip and I prayed that we could conceive naturally by a miracle, neither one of us were getting any younger and we both believed it was the right time to go through IVF. But just hearing of their success gave me hope that our procedure would work as well. I truly felt the Holy Spirit that night. As we were leaving, my mother in law, who is a true prayer warrior, stopped to tell us that she had heard a word from God and he gave her a scripture. She said that God told her to read Isaiah 61:7 "Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs." We all knew that meant we were having twins.
So, yes, I'm pregnant with twins. We're praying for girls. We've already named them, their nursery is done, minus one crib. This is how much we're believing that BOTH of these lives are still with us. But if God has other plans, if he gives us one, if its a boy, we will rejoice! We will be happy with whatever God has for us because we are good and faithful servants. We know He is a loving and faithful God. Either way, boy, girl, twins or a singleton, we are blessed beyond imagination. But my heart beats for two and will continue to until other wise told.
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